My souls burns hotter then ever before. Part in due because it sat dormant for three plus decades. Upon the birth of its breathe. It has intensified my every single day of life. The struggle to contain it’s vigorous roar and subconscious torment has become overwhelming. The return of its adore in reciprocation hinges my every thought . Hindering me from day to day tasks. I dig deep looking for answers and solutions. Wondering if there is even any . I used to be good at washing the dust of my shoulders. Maybe, just maybe it was easier when I was just a rose still in my bud. Now that I have opened up my petals , it seems there just to easily picked.
Roughly over 2 years ago I went to see a woman who is a chakra specialist . She owns healing heather. She is a medium among other things. Her first response to the sight of me was you have a tremendous brain . But I’ve never seen energy move so fast. It just spun around in circles . Circle after circle. Which was actually part in due why I was there to see her in first place. I was programmed to dwell on hundreds of things all at once and the stress of my own thoughts from birth till then was just weighing me down. So I sought help from her. She told me right off the bat. I can help you. There will be consequences . Which mainly was one factor. I will think and stress on much less. But that which I do think and stress on is going to magnify 10 times plus. Boy was she serious.
There are few things that plague me nowadays . But those things are really clogging my will and functioning capability . For me that is a lot to swallow. I used to be able to juggle 100 problems. Hustle all day play all night then repeat . With zero mental repercussions. Now I have hard times accomplishing a single task in a week with the few things that ail me. We all want what we want acourse. That’s natural . I find myself entirely to invested in the moment . The moment in which has no investment in me.
With my new found ability to be a lover. I am more susceptible to rejection and disappointment . There was a time when I went decades without a hug or kiss. Now I go insane with just days without. Sexual neglect has become a major issue for my sanity. The craving to be touched and wanted, verse being a pair of shoes in a closet waiting to be walked on. No pun intended . Has driven me to a point of sparatic and uncontrolled anquish. My need to be loved is at a all time high. Her desire is all I seek. And all that blocks me from further progress all in one swing of the sword.
Life skills I wasn’t taught and try to portray as a father and a adult. I’m not able to pretend to be someone I’m not. My heart is always on my sleeve. “My soul is deep, old like sand scripts on a pyramid. Laid deep in a tomb, patiently awaiting to be awoke . As it has , at the glimpse of what could be or could have been. Again locked in time , trapped in my mind. Stuck on pause , with no rewind. Fast forwarded is the clock the days go by. Staring at you , while your looking behind.”
I like writing poems. Helps unleash my love and my fury. To get my energy out . To vent. Learning to love and to be loved has been an eye opener for me. Knowing love has been electrifying . And shocking all at same time. I have started something called the #30dayilovechallenge . Where you post something you love to your social media everyday and why. I’m in a course far greater then 30 days. They say it takes 66 days to form an addiction. I’m going to be addicted to love.
Words become things . Just the phrase I love followed by anything changes the outcome . Energy goes where energy flows. I’m ready for my soul to take the lead and my brain to take the back seat.