For my entire life I have had these words in my brain. My own voice talking to me telling me the most horrible thoughts. There uncontrollable at times. They engulf my every waking being , and often my slumber and dreams. All to often I am asleep but I’m awake. I burn so much energy in my sleep being inside my own mind and invisions.
I don’t believe there voices . By traditional sense. But they are definatly stinkin thinkin. One single thought spirals my brain downwards like a black hole sucking the life out of me. I watched a news special once on people who if they hit a bump in the road they swore they ran someone over. Or they heard a crack and felt like they broke a bone. I have felt those feelings many times. Extreme pain physically and mentally from something that didn’t even exist.
I have thoughts of shear insanity , at the same exact time as full clarity . Like ying and yang thinking simotaneously out loud at same time. The darker side of those words being heard all to often. I have given to much power to those whom my heart is invested and my entire world can be brought down with just one single sentence , planted to destroy my confidence and security. My internal monologue then goes to work on my nervous system. The existence of my happiness at that moment in time then hinges on my own subconscious being.
At this point I’m almost helpless . All life and reality is closed out and only this one matter can be seen by my eyes , heart , and brain. Why this? Maybe that? Could only be? 2+2 is 4. Blah blah , yackety smackety. AAAHHHHHHHHH.
I know I’m not insane. But the basic makeup of my neurological system and my brains firing path has raised me to be this way. And only I have the power to change that or let it take all life out of me.
Please share and comment if can. Your words or actions may be the light that sparks a dead candle , before tomorrow’s heat melts it away.